Thoughts Are Sticky
Have you ever had a thought, then wondered, “where the fuck did that thought come from?” Oh, that’s all of your thoughts? Me too. With that being said, it can be easy to recognize a bizarre thought as just that: bizarre. Example: “I’ve been living my whole life in denial; I’m actually a giraffe.” Completely irrational….right? But other times, as I’ve experienced myself, some thoughts can be hard to shake off. For me, it’s ones that are closely tied to how I feel or how much I know about myself: personality, self-esteem, confidence, purpose (aka what the fuck am I gonna do with my life), values, identity, sexual orientation. Usually, these thoughts have a strong, negative connotation attached to them. I’ve struggled for years trying to make sense of my thoughts, agonizing over the possibility that they hold some unconscious value I’m unaware of. This idea seems ludicrous, yet I’m still plagued by it.
Realization
What I’m coming to realize through my own research, therapy, and self-reflection, is that trying to make sense of all my thoughts is virtually impossible. Thinking that every single thought must possess some hidden truth is, ironically, far from it. Gone are the days of Freudian logic where every thought must represent some hidden, unconscious desire about ourselves. If that was the case, most of us would a. unwillingly have sex with a bunch of people b.be in jail or c. kill someone.
OK, cool. So I can just let thoughts go if they really don’t mean anything. Easy, right?
Wrong. Ohhhh so fucking wrong.
Thoughts are sticky. They are deceiving as fuck. They seem so real, so tangible that it’s hard to let them go. And pushing them away because they are at odds with how you view yourself just fuels their fire; the resistance will keep them coming back.
So, what to do?
I’m not writing this from the perspective of someone who has figured this shit out. If you haven’t noticed by now, I am a terrible overthinker. I ruminate about everything and anything: “should I write this?” “Is eating breakfast actually healthy or is Intermittent Fasting the way to go?” “Should I go back on online dating apps or just try to meet people IRL?” “Is meditating 5 minutes a day enough? Or 10 minutes?? or 20??? 24 hours?!?!?!” Ahhhhhhhh. Every day, I have thoughts in some capacity that are hard for me to let go of.
With that being said, I’ve learned some techniques that have proven to be useful in mitigating the anxiety of my thoughts, even if it’s just temporary relief. For me, journaling has been huge. Writing my thoughts out on paper (not on a phone) and seeing them on the page is akin to stepping outside of your body (and your mind) and seeing yourself from an outsider’s perspective. It’s almost like they are not your thoughts anymore. You can take a step back and see your thoughts with fresh eyes and awareness. This allows you to analyze them with more clarity than keeping them stuck in your head.
Giving your thoughts a name could also provide some relief. On The Rich Roll Podcast, Mike Posner, the guy who took a pill in Ibiza, discussed some of his life adventures, which included nothing remotely interesting. He just walked across the entire United States on foot and climbed Mt. Everest. Mike also discussed some of the mental struggles he’s endured in life and how he learned to become aware of the negative thoughts plaguing his conscience. He gave these thoughts a name to mentally create distance from them. He labeled his negative thoughts as “Charlie”. After listening, I decided to try this out and give my negative, doubtful thoughts a name of their own.
“Carlos” was the first name that popped into my head. Who knows if I unconsciously named the voice Carlos after the (still) haunting memories of Carlos Beltran striking out in Game 7 of the 2006 NLCS….maybe, maybe not.
Here’s an example of giving a thought a name when it arises:
Thought: “I’m never gonna figure out who I really am and what drives me”
Response: “Oh, that’s just Carlos again. I don’t have to pay him any mind.”
This sounds silly to do, but it can provide (short-term) relief. The point is to become aware of the thought, but not challenge or engage with it. It’s having the awareness that a thought has entered your mind (“I’m worthless”, “I’m inadequate”, “The Mets suck”) and then quickly producing another thought (“Oh, that’s Carlos”) to prevent the stream of negative thoughts from continuing. Eventually, like everything in life, the feelings will pass. Even the most distressing thoughts and feelings go away in their own time. Everything is impermanent. Everything except the Mets sucking. That is permanent. 2022 is our year though.
Finally, meditation. Meditation is the solution to every mental obstacle in the world. Just kidding. But the benefits of doing a simple practice of 5 minutes (or 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 24 hours) a day cannot be overlooked. I don’t need to cite the 1239084231819080 sources that have documented the benefits of meditation practice, you can do that yourself.
Note
I don’t know if this needs to be said, but I’ll say it anyway: Anything I’ve said here is not a prognosis or prescription of any kind. I’ve just listed tools and practices that have helped me temporarily in calming my intrusive thoughts and anxiety. It is by no means a solution to any mental health problem. If you feel you need it, even if it’s just mild, reach out to a medical professional and/or therapist for guidance. There is no shame in going to therapy. I have done/am doing it. It can help, especially when you’re finding that your thoughts are becoming unbearable, But, as persistent as they might be, thoughts can be managed, and eventually, let go. They might not always make sense, but that’s ok. A lot of things in life don’t make sense anyway. Especially dreams.
Until next time…
Aidan
